A year ago … on Sept 23rd, Mike died. Two years ago, on Sept 24th – I completed two horrific days in court against my dad. This year, in May, my little brother died. This time last year I was just getting out of the hospital – self harm. I’ve come a long way. I feel stronger and stronger by the day. I still have good days and bad.. but the bad aren’t pulling me under anymore. I thank my kids and roommate for this time to get my balance, and my life, in order. Like a life raft. I’d also like to thank me.. for doing the hard work, all these years. For holding on to the help offered and using the time wisely. Yes, I’ve slept a lot, eaten too much and stayed home… more than I’d like to admit. Sometimes your soul needs to rest.
Archive for the ‘Writings’ Category
I was just reading my last post – beginning of summer. Hoping the depression would lift with summer. Little did I know at that time my brother would die two weeks later.
We had a lovely service for him. Tracey and Makyla got a Japanese Maple tree and we planted his ashes with the tree at Steves’ house. We had the Beatles playing at the service and talked of shiny things.
It’s too bad that family turns so nasty during these things. Oh well… they’ve never been here for me anyway, what was I expecting. I did proud by him, with help from the people that loved him and knew him the most. That’s what matters.
RIP my little brother. Your troubled life is now over. I hope you are finding some serenity and that you’ve come back as something as beautiful and caring as you were in your life.
One of my very favourite moon shots.
This is something to remember. I often feel I have to answer to someone.. someone I don’t know.. well, no… no I actually don’t. Take that. ha ha It can be stressful in the world and on FB… people say shitty things, daily. But I can remove myself from it, block or remove the person. I can’t save / raise awareness with everyone… and it’s awful, but the longer this goes, the more I remove.
Sometimes you see the best stuff on FB…. so I snarfed a couple that really speak to me.
Magic is all around us… I’ve forgotten how to find it. But I will. I will find it. I have to.
So, I’m sitting here thinking.. I wish it were easier to quit. But you know what? I did quit, last summer.. for five months. Didn’t drink either. And also – it wasn’t that hard. I remember saying – I thought smoking was this huge monster I could never beat.. but I did and so, here I sit with patches on. I’m going to give it a try 😀
So, tomorrow.. I will have lived here one year. It went so fast, it’s hard to believe. I’m feeling a kind of balance. I’m safe, I’m not walking on egg shells, I’m getting all sorts of stuff done, taking care of me. It feels good. I don’t think I’ve ever been this well off. I mean, I’m still broke most of the time ha ha…. and I’m pretty sure my passport application won’t go through. But I’ll just try again, if that’s the case. I mailed them documents, that have been travelling for over 20 days in the UK mail. 😦 So, if they didn’t get there today, they will all be sent back to me, to reapply. The tracking system for mail is also down.
That aside. I did it. I got everything they wanted. If I have to pay again, then I do.
It’s so hard to get your credit back, or to get someone to give you a chance to get it back. My roommate has tried everything to help me in this. He’s a gem. I’m very luck to be here.
So – all my taxes are caught up – going back ten years. I did it myself. Yes, proud lol Court cases are all over. I applied for victims compensation..that’s in the works. I sent off for a passport and hopefully it will come. I paid off a company I owed money to. I’ve had a really big, frustrating, empowering, productive year ha ha.
I’ve been working on updating my photos… I have too many. But I will get there. I was looking for a website to do photos on, but this seems the easiest I’ve found. So I’ll just keep building this.
Love to you all – and hoping your life is also – going the way you need it to.