According to me…..


So odd.

You get accustomed to the fact that they are healthy… that they don’t spend much time in need as they are strong and confident, and happy… doing their thing.  You take it for granted that they are healthy and happy and you go about your life.

Then you get a call or a text, as it would happen.  And after 24 years you hear that your child is having seizures and there is no past of this, and no family history… and you don’t want to cry because you should at least find out what is happening first…so you swallow it down.  You force yourself to be strong.  For them.  For sanity…

And at the end of the day, when you learn they are ok….. you cherish the child more… knowing just how terrified you were all through the experience.  And you cry alone… with relief.  You let the terror and fear go alone.

And isn’t it telling.  Those around you who say they love you… how they handle this.  Suddenly it’s all about them, or your lack of being with them, or your getting help from unexpected people….. and the feelings created by this.  Who is there and who isn’t when the chips are down.  What a day.. the things I’ve learned.


Comments on: "Children" (8)

  1. I just saw this post and i cried for you and your son! But I know that because you are such a strong person and mother, that you have a strong son, even though I have never met him. If he has you and has learned life though your eyes as much as his own, you will both see this through. It is okay to be scared. I think it is every mother’s fear that something dreadful might happen to their child. I know, I would die without my any of my own 5 kiddos. I hate to even think of them getting sick or suffering. Ivory had a cancer issue a year and a half ago. I was so scared for her and me. But we made it through. You, deary, have got to be one of the most positive and lovely women I know. Lovely on the inside in your soul. And from what I read and what you write to me, and the pics I see, your kids have that same light in them. You guys were born to fight the dark!
    So,…I send you a rainbow wish today for you and your son.
    I mean that!

    • Tamara! You are such a wonderful person! 🙂 Much love to you…… I can’t even begin to imagine the terror you must have gone through!

      Thanks for the positive message and rainbow wish and hugs! I’ll take them all. lol

      In fact, my son says the pills are settling, and he is eating and even looking forward to school – which we originally thought to be the root of his stress…. he’s even taking a course for Aikido… so the additional physical fitness should also help. 🙂

      Thanks again love…for your concern and warm words!!
      I wish you the very best of days.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about this awful day and I hope you and your babes are ok.

    Kids give us so many good things, but also deliver us huge scoops of fears and vulnerability. Life could be simpler.

    “When the chips are down”, you’re so right there!!

    I’m sending over an emergency hug as you read this!

    Respect and Peace!

    • Hey @dam! 🙂 Thanks for dropping by, you are missed!!!

      It was my son… he still has to have some tests done… he had two seizures…no one knows why… he’s 24 and hasn’t had one before. They have him on meds now… to control that end of it while they research him.

      Yes, kids give us a variety of things, don’t they. lol 😉 I’m doing much better today and so is he….

      Thank you every so much for that emergency hug! And I’ll take it. lol xox

      I hope all is well with you and your little ones… I know you already do but it’s worth saying….. enjoy them. lol

      • You must be very worried, I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you both, I’m sure they’ll have it sorted in no time.

        Respect and Peace!

  3. Of all the folks I know…I knew you would understand.

    Thanks for the messages, love… I do appreciate all the time you’ve taken!!!

    And thanks…about the offer to talk. I may take you up on that!

    Love you darling… thanks again…for everything.

  4. Susan said:

    No doubt about it Tracy, it is a scary thing.
    But knowledge is power, and helps to combat the fear. I left you a long-winded, rambly message on FB – hope you got something from it…

    But know that I am here for you if you want to unload, cry, yell, scream at the unfairness….or just talk about it.

    *Hugs* and much love to you my friend.

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