According to me…..

Sometimes…


I just wish there was someone to talk to.

I used to have a best friend and she fucked me over.  After 14 years.  And I miss having her in my life.  Even though I finally realized all she was interested in was all about herself… I still miss her.  I wish there was someone who knew me like she did.  Kelly is my friend, through thick and thin, but he doesn’t live close and I can’t just call him…

I have this thing going on today and no one to talk to.  It’s awful.  I have no one that can say *RUN* or *do it* or *you’re ok*.

Maybe I do and I just don’t realize it…but right now I feel very alone.

I’m in the process of divorcing my husband.  We were together for eight years and then apart since… 10 years or so.  I decided it was time to divorce him, being as how I haven’t seen him.  We always joked and said we would never divorce and we’d be together later in life… but I’ve been getting screwed since he left because he claimed for tax things and I haven’t had a GST payment since.  I never asked for support for my kids.  We changed their last names to his.  They were with him 7 years.  They called him dad.  I never asked for anything except that he not take things when he left that were personal for me.  He took stuff that a mother with two children would definitely need.  Kitchen set, freezer, you know… that kind of thing.  We both hurt each other.  All that never mattered…I’m just saying, so you get that I was ok with it… well, not ok with splitting up – we should have fought harder.  After 8 years, we should have tried.  So now I’m applying for a divorce and he needs to send me stuff back (paperwork).  It’s been over a month I’ve been waiting.

Tonight he got a hold of me on the net and he lives near me now.  We are meeting tomorrow.  He says he does want a divorce.  And somehow that hurts.  I know… I know it’s time and it’s right and I instigated it – but he always said he wouldn’t.  Now he isn’t saying that.  It took me five long years to get past this and him leaving… whether or not I pushed him.  It took a long time to get over it.  I was a basket case forever, yes, forever.  Now I’m going to see him.  I’m scared.  Really scared.  And I wouldn’t say no for anything.  I practically begged him to see me.

Perhaps it’s unfinished business and we need closure.  All I know is that I’m scared and excited and terrified and I wish I had a friend that I could talk to.  I could just pretend it was ok if he just sent the papers back that I need.  Maybe.

Report:

It went ok, the meeting.  We chatted for a couple of hours.  Problem is, he threw out the papers I sent him and now I don’t know what to do! lol  Back to University Ave to ask for help!  I’ll never get divorced at this rate.  On the upside, it was great to see him. 🙂

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Comments on: "Sometimes…" (3)

  1. And really? Maybe none of that is really the issue here. lol
    I’ve thought about it.
    Whatever happened back then, happened. It’s way in the past and none of it really bothers me.
    Maybe I’m just nervous to see him after so long. Normal, I suppose.
    But I’m guessing it’s just to collect the papers I need to move on with the divorce. It’s not a date or anything. lol It will be nice to see him and chat for a bit, though.

    Thanks for the text, Jason! 🙂

  2. Jason, thank you so much! I know you are there for me! 🙂
    The 14 years don’t matter. 🙂 She proved that. Doesn’t matter how long I’ve known you – although I have known you a few years – I know you are my friend. 🙂
    I love you, too…. and thanks again!
    T.

  3. Jason said:

    Well I havent known u for 14 years, but I can tell u this, I amalways here for u & whatever the issue is with u & him I will still respect u & love u. U area very special person & There are alot of people who will agree with me!

    Always know that I am here for you!

    Love you

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